[April 23, 2005]
Every week, when Sunday comes around, I always try my best to make it to church. I’ve been doing slightly better lately, but I’ve gotten into a habit of arriving quite late into the mass. This week, somehow, something in me was able to get up and muster the power to get there (almost) on time. Partway through, I had drifted off into my own world when something caught my ear from our priest…
…bless the souls of those who are no longer with us, including Carlos Calubayan…
Suddenly, it was as if the blurry world instantly snapped into focus and the realization dawned on me, it was the anniversary of Lolo’s passing. Since then, thoughts and memories have been buzzing in my mind intermittently throughout the days. Memories of his cooking, his gardening, his hugs and smelling kisses, and of course, his famous yellow bike. Though, along with these happy, somber memories also came the inevitable questions/wondering.
The biggest thing that’s been on my mind, is that I just hope that he’s proud of where I am today. Coming up so close to my graduation, I know that he’ll be there to see me, but part of me still wishes he could be there physically, to see me graduate. Then again, at the same time, if he was able to be there, I’m not sure I would necessarily be graduating in Graphic Design. The picture above, which I made for Lolo, of a quote from my then five year old cousin and the single surviving Tulip of the garden he was so proud of, is one of the main reasons I am where I am today. This was the first thing that I ever made that I was truly proud of and was one of the main reasons I became so interested in Graphic Design. And so, even though I didn’t pursue Graphic Design right away, this life changing day when he passed away, eventually led to the development of what is now one of my passions in life.
From the immensely dark storm cloud, seven years later, I’m reaching the edge of my silver lining with my imminent graduation, and I think Lolo would be happy to hear this. In particular, because of one last story that I’ll share from a blog post that I wrote in my LiveJournal, the day that he passed. But before that, I just want to say:
Lolo, seven years later and we still miss you dearly, but I know you’re watching us daily and you’re making sure all of our gardens are taken care of. Thank you for everything you taught me that I was unable to realize at the time, but now I can look back on and appreciate. Sandali nalang po hangaan makaka kita ulit tayo. Sige na po. Mahal ko po kayo…
…it seemed though, there may have been one person who knew it was coming. As strange as it may sound, Lolo himself may have had an idea. Listening to everyone talking today, it seemed he was acting a little out of character the past few days or weeks or something. The strangest thing to me, was something he apparently said yesterday. Apparently, while at the mall, he said something to the effect of ‘you have nothing to worry about anymore, all of our children are successful in America now’ it was as if he knew everything and everyone was alright, and he could move on, and just wait to see everyone again whenever the time came…